You're my little dorito
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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