im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
