I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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