I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
