Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
