Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
