There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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