____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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