I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
