Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
