Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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