I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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