U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize