so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
