I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
