Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
false alarm, still single
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
