I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
