Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
