I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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