you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
