I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
