two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
