She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
