So drunk its hurt
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
