How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
