is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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