Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
