then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize