the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
