How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
