Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize