Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
