It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
