his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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