I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
