why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
