when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
