she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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