I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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