I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
