Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
