3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
