he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
