why didn't you poke me back
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
