I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
