if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
