I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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