I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just cut my nipple shaving
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
