Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
