im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize