where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
