420 ftw
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
