Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
