if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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