I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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