Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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