love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
