yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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