so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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