I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
