eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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