I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
