um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
