the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
