Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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