you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
