New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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