my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
