i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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