imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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