sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Come share oat with me in your robe
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
