I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
