i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
