I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
