He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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