dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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