considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
