Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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