well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
