Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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