i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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