Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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