Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I AM VODKA MAN
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
