woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize