So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
