We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
